i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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