Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
