K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
