You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
