I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
