I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
In the future we'll all be gay
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
