do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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