Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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