I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
