I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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