what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
