it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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