she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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