also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
