I just saw a hot homeless man
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
