We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
