all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
