I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
