Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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