I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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