his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
