What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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