You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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