oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the day after is always just damage control
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
