from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
