You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
