I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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