wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
