I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
