don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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