I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
