Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
