So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can't motorboat a personality
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
