Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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