I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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