For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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