Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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