it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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