I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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