Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
cat food counts as protein by the way
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
