One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
