Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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