he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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