2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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