How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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