im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
