I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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