How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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