Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its not stalking. its research.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
