My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
