Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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