your parents love me but you hate me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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