ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
