im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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