D3 body, D1 cock
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dicks are not precious.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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