Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is it penis luge time yet?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
