Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
