Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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