Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
