Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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