ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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