if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
