So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
