I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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