it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's like heaven, but drunker
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
