i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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