He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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