Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
false alarm. still invincible.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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