I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
