Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
