My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
