one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
