handjob tips. give me some.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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