I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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