I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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