Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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