the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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