But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
