Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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