I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
