You smell like a Billy Joel song
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
